The Unlikely Face of God

My whole life I thought I knew God. Growing up in the church, God was a part of daily life and I strived to know him. Something was always missing, though. I could not complete the puzzle.
Strangely enough, I met God this summer in the forests of Alaska. He whispered to me during our voyage Northward, his voice coming off the tops of the Rocky Mountains, and through the radio with the songs that were played. It was eerie, but I knew it was him, finally.
Once we arrived, he reached out and touched me there among the trees, as the cold creek water rushed by. The labyrinth, made of river stones, carried me round and round as we held hands and talked, and he told me he would show me the way, to just have faith.
Why did I have to travel so far? Why this year had to be so tumultuous, agonizing,  beautiful and strange to finally reach him I can only guess.
I had been searching my whole life for this connection. I had sought it in churches, in bars, in the arms of men, in friends, in music, in gardens, in the kitchen. I had tried to bake him into bread, grow him on the vine, hold him in relationships, birth him with my children. Many of these things gave me a taste, and brought me close, but still God remained elusive. Only after my incredible journey, when I was about as broken and hopeless as a person could be, did I finally reach him. And that’s the way that it happens, isn’t it? God can only break through when our pride and are defenses are gone, and mine were annihilated.
So 2010 became the year that I finally met God. What would have happened if the last 6  years did not occur the way they did? Would I still have met him? Sooner or later, I think that I would have, but I’ll never know for sure. This path became mine to follow when I chose it. It was the way that I was to learn the lessons I am learning. Now, another path has presented itself, and I have chosen to take it, trusting my voice, trusting my God.
Fate and choice go hand in hand. For as much as God is in control, we are responsible for the choices we make. We design our own fate. We are responsible for our destiny. By listening for God, knowing his voice and knowing ourselves, we can make good choices in life. We can follow our true path.
I am far from perfect, and I know there are some places on this path where I will misstep. The good news is that God doesn’t expect perfection from me, only honesty. If I can learn to say when I am scared, when I am angry, when I need help, when I am doubtful, that is truly doing the best that I can. God has made me strong. I have made myself strong. You see, God and I are not 2 separate entities. He has been with me, and in me my whole life. I am not claiming to be God, but rather saying that he is a part of me, and that is why I can trust myself. That is why that voice inside is so true, and if I can learn to follow it, it will never steer me wrong.